The Ministry of Dashed Hopes and Unmet Expectations

Many years ago, about fourth grade, I had asked my mom for a watch for Christmas.  I didn't bother to ask for a particular watch, she knew me and knew what I would like.  Or so I thought.  Christmas morning came and as my gift was handed to me, my expectation soared.  It was the right size to be a watch box.  I knew it was going to be great.  Sure enough, it said "Timex" on the box.  It was a watch.  But when I opened it, boy was I disappointed.  It had to be the ugliest watch Timex ever made.  Plain white and functional with a boring, ugly leather band.  Even the glass was thick and ugly.  The numbers were ugly. There was nothing pretty or feminine about this watch.

My hopes were dashed and my childlike expectations were completely unmet and it tainted my whole Christmas experience. Or whatever I thought I deserved as far as "Christmas experiences" go. Am I alone in experiencing these sort of dashed hopes?

But perhaps your hope was not immaturely placed in getting the right gift at Christmas as mine was. I grew up and found my hope was later placed in getting married.  I unfairly laid all my hopes and dreams on my soon-to-be husband and what I thought he would provide for me.  Maybe I'm not the only one who does that.  For those who have done that alongside me, I think we set those expectations too high. We've seen the picture perfect marriages from the outside and are convinced that is what God has planned for us.

Or perhaps we believe our hopes will be met by the new job, the new location, the new church, the new whatever. And then life happens and our hopes seem unfairly dashed.  What happened?  We know the word says in Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick…but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." What happened? Why did God allow this suffering?  Why did we trust in this false hope? The job loss? The failed marriage? The sick child?

I have written in some notes "Dashed hopes make us recoil from dreaming big, it causes us to lower our life's expectations so that we'll never feel disappointment like that again."  Should that be our response?  Is that a knee-jerk response?  At minimum, it seems to be our safety valve.  "Y'all ain't gonna hurt me again.  I'll just peck 'round here on the ground with chickens rather than soar in hope with eagles."

And just where do these unmet expectations come from?  Is it possible we look around us, establish what we "need" and therefore must have?  So when we compare ourselves to others, establish what we think we should be, or what we think we should have, or what we believe we deserve, are we setting ourselves up to covet and then be disappointed?  2 Cor 10:12 states "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."  (Paul is talking about his ministry but this favorite verse of mine keeps me in check...when I remember it.) 

If what Paul said wasn't targeted enough, C.S. Lewis also said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." So evidently I cannot allow false hopes to alight on what others receive or what others may think.

So about the time I feel like a martyr in having these unmet expectations, is it possible that I have ever dashed someone else’s  hopes and expectations? I'm thinking yes.

I am also learning  that whenever hope is misplaced, disappointment soon follows. One mom put it as the "Big Let Down".  The BLD.  So when the inevitable happens, when our hopes are dashed,  when we experience the BLD, we need to learn to handle disappointment correctly.  

So what are we placing our hope in? By placing our hope and expectations in the people we love we literally risk the health and life of our relationships. Before we knew Jesus, our hopes were dependent on what was going on in our lives at the moment.   What would today bring? Will work be good today or bad? If I'm happy what will happen to make me sad? If I'm sad, what will happen to make me happy? The answer was dependent upon the object of my hope—my job, my friends, my appearance, my relationships…..As believers, do we sometimes revert back to those things as the source of our hope?  Have we misplaced our hope for happiness, life, security, or contentment, in everything the world has to offer? 

Are we placing our expectations for our future in someone or something other than Jesus?

Do we just know about Jesus, or do we truly know Jesus? 

Do we know Him as the comforter? (Or does someone else comfort us?) 

The savior? (Or do we call someone else when we need help?)

The redeemer? (Or do we rely on someone else to "redeem" or add value to us.)

The provider? (Or do we rely on someone else to provide for our needs?)

The healer? (Or do we jump to medications, doctors or other medical advice first?)

The friend who sticks closer than a brother? ( or does someone else meet our need for deep friendship?)

The ministry of our experiences with dashed hopes is that the unwanted "gift" can serve as a tangible reminder that our hopes are not to be placed in things in this world.  This world can disappoint.  People can disappoint.  As long as we are trusting in these things to be our hope and bring the joy and contentment we seek we will always be disappointed.  So when we meet that disappointment, whatever it is, big or small, can we let it serve as a reminder that in Christ alone our hope is found?

However, in the real world, when we are looking those dashed hopes square in the face, we need to address our initial attitudes.  1) We need to be thankful.  Look for the good and praise it.  Go all Pollyanna and find the thing to be thankful about.  2) We need to realize things aren't always as they appear. Sometimes we are given what we need and not what we want because what we want may not be God's best for us.  3) And ultimately, we need to realize that it's not all about us and our desires. We may just need to get over ourselves. 

As a reminder of Jesus being our only true hope in a hopeless world, I looked again at Psalm 23. 

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want. 

(He provides everything I need)

He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters. 

(He gives me peace and comfortable surroundings when I need it.)

He restores my soul;

(He has saved me from judgment by salvation and given me hope of eternity)

He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

(He gives me instruction and helps me to do right  so I won’t make disastrous mistakes.)

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

(He is my hope when all is frightening and scary and I feel alone and terrified for my future)

For You are with me; 

(He will always be a part of my life….)

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

(The rod protects and corrects us.  We are subject to his most careful, intimate and firsthand examination…..the staff pulls us from danger.)

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

(Our provisions are given to us in this world)

You anoint my head with oil;

(We are blessed and anointed to rule and reign with Him in heaven)

My cup runs over.

(We are blessed over and above what we can hold or what we deserve)

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

(We experience God’s goodness daily as well as his mercy in forgiving us of our sins.)

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

(Heaven…..)