Mail Call: Attitude and Response Check

"Tonight I lost it. My house is a disaster, the goat is sick, we have no clean laundry, the boys are fighting.... My attitude is horrible. My youngest sons cried themselves to sleep.
My daughter is hiding in her room. I feel like I am breaking. I don't know what to do."

Here is a snippet of my notes that I took recently while reading a great book that has helped me in an issue that I recently went through that is similar to this mom's response when she said "I lost it." This painful situation caused me to respond poorly to everyone around me. The introduction of other peripheral issues, and it really brought out the worst in me.

I am hoping that something in this particular portion of my personal journal may minister to others that feel the way this mom does. A quote I have on my computer desk may introduce the theme: "When you are not in control, the only thing you can control is how you respond." I recite that to myself over and over along with some Bible verses that I'm memorizing which are listed below. The notes are from a great book that I highly recommend: Foolproofing Your Life: How to Deal Effectively with the Impossible People in Your Life by Jan Silvious. Excellent book coming from a strong Judeo-Christian worldview.

FOOLISHNESS AND MY RESPONSE TO IT

Dealing with foolishness of others – one must be mature and wise.

1. I need to put away childish responses

a. Don’t reason like a child - Self-centered, it's all about me

b. Don’t speak like a child – children blurt out whatever they think, whenever they think to whomever they wish without considering what effect their words have on anyone else. (Doing things like raising my voice, saying hurtful things, speaking without thinking)

c. Don’t think like a child - avoiding punishment, assuming everyone has my best interest at heart.

2. Proverbs 17:28 “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

Some fools shout and some fools pout. To behave maturely, is to do neither.

1. Shout—“I just had to say it and get it off my chest – I feel better now” and the people exposed to the childish tirade pick verbal buckshot out of their emotions.

2. Pout—“I will never be uncivil” but insides are eaten up with venom bubbling beneath the surface. She will frost the atmosphere with body language and seething silence.

Mature people have an awareness that the words we speak impact others. If we are mature, we are sufficiently aware that we must put away childish speech.

Even if you are comfortable with childish speech because it’s how you’ve always talked when the pressure is on, you make the choice to “do away” with that kind of speech. It is truly that easy. Just do away with it—put it away.

Putting it away is your way of controlling your own inappropriate and childish reactions.

Putting it away is resisting the urge to engage in verbal battle with a fool. It’s no use—one never wins.

We allow others to define who we are if we react to everything they do. We need to put away reactionary speech.

No knee-jerk responses allowed. Seeking wisdom is for my own benefit and may never change the "fools" in our lives.

Memory Verses

Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.”

Behave like a woman of dignity instead of a demanding child.

I need to give a controlled, intelligent response.

Prov. 29:22 “An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.”

When faced with a fool, especially an angry one, you need to think carefully before you react.

Prov 14:15: “The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.”

Rather than being a victim or a martyr, or equally angry and foolish, turn away from evil. Turning away is the only effective way to deal with an angry or irrational fool.

Prov. 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

The same words can be said calmly as well as screamed. No need to shrink from the truth but you can disengage a fool’s power by controlling your response.

Rom 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone”