The "S" Word

I just finished reading yet another article on evidence we can use to to prove to homeschooling naysayers that our homeschooled children are socialized. The classic evidence for proving that our children receive adequate socialization were given: they attend youth groups, scouting, and team sports. I think I’ve even used those specific examples myself when proving that homeschoolers at large are given many activities in which they may be properly taught to interact with their age-mates. The funniest thing about using those examples is that my children have not been partakers of those oh-so-important socialization opportunities.

Our church, by choice, does not offer Sunday School or (heaven forbid) youth groups. When my children were young, we succumbed to the pressure of having them attend Sunday School, and then came to the conclusion that almost every negative thing they exhibited came directly from their interaction with one or more of these “Christian” children…or worse, the “bus kids.”

As a by-product of not doing the whole Sunday School thing, our children were not part of a youth group either. What sort of crazy idea is it to stick a bunch of hormonal young people together and then expect them to embrace purity and chastity?

The whole scouting thing never came to pass either. We did try one semester of Cub Scouts, and while only one of my sons was old enough to participate, the other two thought they were part of his pack as well. As brothers, they had spent every waking minute together so why was only the oldest a part of this fun? When it became evident that there would be events that we weren’t keen on taking part in, we dropped that as well. We didn’t desire to send our little guy to camp out with a bunch of other young boys away from the security of home. If he needed a tent experience, he got it when we camped as a family.

Sports, besides being one of the gods of this world, has probably duped more homeschooled parents than any other lie they bought into. It’s not the athletics that are to blame, but the unwanted socialization that takes place at the expense of our children’s character training. How do we teach our children to speak wholesome words when other “Christian” parents use horribly foul language to express their displeasure at an eight year old who just struck out? Not to mention the whole over-the-top peer competitiveness that can hinder their individual strengths causing them to feel inadequate? Dare I mention the ostracizing experience of a friend of mine when she was traveling with her son’s pre-teen baseball team? All the families, excepting this friend and her son, made a big production of eating at Hooter’s and many of these young boys took home Hooter paraphernalia to parade around the field before the games.

No, my sons were not socialized in these ways, and yet they have very outgoing and healthy personalities. Over the last couple of years, I began to notice something in my teen sons for which I hadn’t expressly trained them: they sincerely like people. The less time they spend around a lot of people, they more they genuinely like the people that they are around. They haven’t learned to pick and choose their friends based on their outward characteristics, or shun others for the same reason. Frequently I hear each of them say very complimentary things of new acquaintances, not knowing that others, who spend volumes of time with teen friends, have learned to be snotty toward some people of whom they don’t approve for one shallow reason or another, and uncharacteristically kind toward others who meet their immature approval.

So, in defining what creates a healthy respect toward others, I guess I would have to submit that it would come as a result of spending less time with large groups of people, and spend more one on one time with a variety of individuals from whom they can learn something.